A Heart Like God's
In 1 Samuel 13:14, Samuel tells Saul concerning the next king that,
“…now your kingdom shall not endure. The LORD has sought out for Himself a man (David) after His own heart, and the LORD has appointed him as leader and ruler over His people, because you have not kept (obeyed) what the LORD commanded you.”
If you know much about David, you know he was a man full of regrets. He had an affair with a married woman. He murdered the woman’s husband. His illegitimate baby died because of his actions. On.. and on…David had regrets. But even knowing ALL of this, God STILL said of David, ‘he was a man after His {God’s} own heart.”
Even though my list of regrets is different than David’s, I can still relate to his story. Once the sun is down and the house is quiet, it’s easy for me to have a never-ending list of regrets & disappointments. Regrets of what I said to the kids instead of what I should’ve said. Regrets over how I spent the day trying to ‘get something accomplished’ instead of just enjoying this moment in time with them. Regrets over what wasn’t done that I knew needed/should’ve been done. Regrets over time I didn’t spend with God.
I’ve come to realize that most of these regrets that flood my mind so easily are not God standing over me lecturing me with a disapproving look on His face about all the ways I’ve let Him down..again. No, these regrets have a different source. A source that would much rather remain nameless or remain disguised as ‘me’. These always negative, self-defeating regrets are not God at all, but Satan.
Did I lose my temper and act out of frustration or selfish motives to my kids? Yes. Did I focus on the wrong things in my “Martha” driven personality? Yes. Did I self-sabotage or waste time that could’ve/should’ve been spent differently? Yes. BUT, is God in any way mad at me or disappointed in me? NO.
Would God prefer that He be the FIRST thing in my head and heart, and that I turn to Him before turning on Facebook or checking emails? Yes. But, God doesn’t want me to think of Him first before all those other things because He needs His ego stroked. God doesn’t want my heart to seek Him and thirst for Him MORE than ANYTHING else because He’s a self-centered egomaniac. He wants it for ME; for MY benefit.
The God who created us understands that who or what we spend time with we become like overtime. Like a marriage, we become yoked with what fills up our time & attention. Because of this, God wants us to have more of Him in our lives than any other thing. He knows that spending time with Him and learning about His nature aligns our hearts and minds and attitudes with His so that we begin to mirror more of Him in our lives.
It’s because He loves us..so much…for me, an incomprehensible amount…that He knows the VERY best way for us to approach life. If I had spent time with God first, then maybe my spirit would’ve been softer and more at peace when my kids asked me to play with them. If I had spent time with God first, then maybe I would’ve been able to better prioritize my time so that the important things did get accomplished. If I had spent time with God first WHO KNOWs how my day could’ve gone or the example I would’ve modeled for my kids? You know who knows…GOD. God knows. It’s BECAUSE HE knows that He wants His children to spend time with Him first so that we have THE BEST day possible and accomplish ALL that HE has asked of us (not necessarily all we have asked of ourselves).